Here's a fun one.

Friday night, my mother in law's 04 Sebring (coupe 3.0L) decided to turn on it's Battery and Brake telltale lights on the dash.

I was on my way home from work when my wife (Jess) called and asked my advice. I told her the alternator's probably gone bad and unless the belt has come off it will likely need a new alternator. I told my Jess to instruct my MIL (Gail) to shut off everything except headlights and drive to our place, and we'd give her a ride home and fix the problem in the morning.

Gail being herself, stopped at the local Sears (Taco Bell of auto service) along the way hoping they'd have an alternator for her car in stock. While there, they convinced her that her problem is a faulty and managed to put cracks in the battery case near the negative post when they removed it for testing causing it to leak acid.

I arrived at the Sears and reclaimed the car and leaky battery and had Gail drive it to the local retail auto parts store (where Jess works) to leave it overnight. This was complicated due to Gail being unable to drive a car that doesn't idle. Did I mention that after removing the battery, it doesn't idle?

Okay, so Saturday morning I remove the alternator, then see the housing of the replacement alternator has been heated and cracked at the mounting points (as if remanufactured from a core that was overheated with a torch during removal.) An order is put in for another replacement alternator.

Now we're at Sunday morning. I install the alternator to find I have about 12V at idle, and 14.3V at 4k+ RPM. It also produced the 14.3V at idle if the air conditioning is turned on. Nice. Defective alternator? AC diode bad? Computer not turning alternator on? Time to check Alldata.... poop! I can't get to any wiring diagrams until Monday (tomorrow.)

The car still doesn't idle properly. I clean the throttle body and idling now works.

I go to Sears and ask about the battery leaking acid after they've R&Ied it. The service manager assures me that the guy who checked it has been working on cars for thirty years and would never use a hammer or prybar on a battery. Besides, it isn't leaking all that much. That being the case, I should leave now and stop complaining.

Drink beers.

Check Internet for info.

Drink more beers.

Install new battery (and not return core.)

At this point, I think I need some advice on what might be happening with the charging system on this car. When voltage at the battery is at about 12V, the charging system and brake lights light up on the dash. At about 14V they go off. Idle they are on unless the AC is also on. At 4k RPM they are off.

Between idle and 4K RPM, it goes either way (assuming AC is off.)